Photos.

When you climb a mountain

When you climb a mountain, you must remember this
you will step on rocks that make your ankles twist.
You may want to take a short cut, but this you mustn't do,
because you'll find you'll be going in circles when the climb is through.
When you climb a mountain because it could snow and rain
you might slip and fall a few times, and it may cause you pain.
When you climb a mountain do not do it alone, bring someone you love with you
someone who will sing you home.
When you climb a mountain you may decide to quit.
You might throw in the towel and have yourself a fit.
But do not worry, because you can climb once more, just be sure to
keep positivity at your hearts front door.
When you climb your mountain, and make it to the top,
your heart will jump with joy, and it may never stop.
When you've climbed your mountain, and now you know you can
you will be much stronger and wiser than just any man.
Once you've told your story, and the night dose grow dim, you will
lay your head on your pillow, and god will let you in.
He will tell you how proud he is of you,
And he will heal all of  the pains your mountain climb has caused you.
Just remember this when trials you are faced:
The lord his waiting at the top of the mountain open arms for your embrace.

-Nicole Terry

Memories for Christmas.

Christmas 2002.
Ashton's tumor had metastasized to his back, the Doctors couldn't operate on it because it was to risky. The tumor was pinching nerves in his back, making it painful for him to walk at all. He explained it to me once, he said it was like a lot of needles pricking his feet all at once. He was in a wheel chair, and at times using a walker to get around. My mom had told Taylor and I that he may never be able to walk again. For Christmas my mom had asked for only one thing for Ashton to walk just a few steps, and even though it was physically painful for him he did it for her. My mom took a home video of it. I don't even remember what I got for Christmas that year, it didn't matter it was our last Christmas with Ashton and I'll remember it forever!

Christmas 2003
It was our first Christmas without Ashton. I remember going to temple square in Salt Lake City with Taylor and my mom on Christmas Eve to look at the lights. When we came home we had a snack, sat on the kitchen floor, and shared memories we had of Ashton. My mom started to cry. To make her laugh Taylor got up and started dancing. I leaned my head against my mom's shoulder and said "Isn't this great dinner and a show." she started laughing.
It was hard to learn through the years that even though he isn't here there are still great memories to be had. Christmas day we woke up to open our gifts. There was almost no money for Christmas that year, because of everything that had happened. The LDS church we were going to at the time all pitched in. I remember all I wanted that year was a sewing machine, I got it and more. The church was there for us on more than one occasion while Ashton was sick they would take turns mowing our lawn, they would make sure we always had food. They were just there for us, they did some wonderful things for us and helped us through a rough time. One thing I remember the most about Christmas morning 2003 was, while Taylor and I were opening our gifts my mom was looking out our front room window a little teary eyed, it had started snowing. She looked at Taylor and I, and said "Isn't this just such a wonderful blessing."  She had never noticed the snow before, but she did this year. Maybe it was Ashton letting her know in his own way that he was still there with us.

Every year for Christmas now my dad, and all of my family get together at Ashton's grave, we light candles and sing Christmas Carole's, to wish him a Merry Christmas.

These stories remind me of why I love Christmas so much.
Every year I get gifts, that I am grateful for, but forget about within a year. The gifts I remember, are the ones you cant put in a box, you cant wrap a ribbon around them, and you cant buy them at any store for any amount of money. The gifts that are the most precious to me are the memories that are made with my family. I used to take this for granted, but Ashton has changed everything. These memories are all I have left of Ashton. He may not have left behind much, but he will always be remembered, and loved.


Please this year forget about gifts forget about money, forget about bills, and make some memories with your family, tell them that you love them, because the memories you make with your family are the gifts you all will carry with you forever.



Merry Christmas.

From they day that I first met you, until the very end. You were my brother, My friend!

"I remember when I met you. You were very small indeed. Before we even knew it you were learning how to read. I watched as you became ill, with all the aches, pains and, pokes and pricks, I watched your brown eyes stay hopeful, big and rich.
I remember when you couldn't run and play, I now know that your able to do that today. I still think you'll walk through our front door even though I cannot see your face anymore.
I remember when god said you were ready, and there was nothing we could do. Oh how we cried when we all kissed and, said goodbye to you. You were only 7 years old and I felt it wasn't fair! We needed you here as much as god needed you there.
I had to know I trusted him, I had to know he cared, I had to know heaven was worth what my little brother had barred.
When your small life ended I cried for many days, and through the years I lived my life in many different ways.
It has been years, but I can still see your eyes, the ones that stayed hopeful and never worried or cried, until you left our side; until you understood you would say goodbye for now. One tear fell down your cheek when god called you back to where you are still now.
"If I could take his place I would." is what I used to think.
 I was angry you were sick, and I was angry with the pokes and pricks. I didn't understand what god had planned, but he knew what he was doing when he introduced us both and for a while he let me be your big sister and take you by the hand.
 I felt like I was your teacher at times we two did fight, but now I've grown older and I can see a light.
Now I know you are where you should be, and you are still shinning down your light on me. I'm not angry anymore because I know you're happy and in that way dear little brother you've brought heaven closer to me."

-Nicole Larkin

"Brought home by the police" Written by- Nicole Larkin (Big sister)

Ashton on his lil'tikes bike.

            (Ashton was about 4 years old)
   One day my brother "Taylor" and I were going to ride our scooters around our neighborhood. We bolted to the door when we were stopped by our mother. We knew what was next. "If your going to ride your scooters, you need to take your little brother with you." she said. My mom did daycare and cared for several kids at a time, so her days were always busy.  We didn't like the idea of babysitting Ashton. We knew that he would just slow us down. He sat there with just a pull up and a T-shirt on sitting on his little blue, yellow, and red 3 wheeled lil'tikes bike made out of plastic. He smiled at us as if to say "I'm ready to go." Taylor and I looked at each other, and lied "Oh well we aren't going to go anymore." Ashton looked a little sad and guided his bike into the house. As soon as we were sure Ashton wasn't watching Taylor and I took off on our scooters as fast as we could down the street.
   Meanwhile my father was getting ready to leave on a service call for his business. He must have left while Taylor and I were racing off on our scooters. Ashton noticed that he was leaving with his big Walker's mug, and thought maybe he was going to get a soda from the gas station. 

Taylor, Me, Our Dad, and Ashton.

   Sometimes our dad would take us with him when he got his soda. He would leave his truck running with the music on for us, and bring us back out a sweetish fish or a gummy candy. It was very special to Ashton and to all of us when our dad would take us with him (It was cool to ride in dads truck). Now Ashton figured that dad must have forgot to take him with to get his drink, so after my dad left he started on his lil'tikes bike and went as fast as he could in the direction my dad had driven. My mom noticed that he was gone and also noticed that Taylor and I were gone too, so she just figured that he was with us. 
    A little while later a police car pulled up in front of our house. My mom was freaking out. Then out pops little Ashton with his lil'tikes bike and in his pull up. My mom walked out and greeted the officer. He explained that he found him about two blocks away from our house. A little kid in our neighborhood recognized Ashton and showed the policeman where he lived. My mom apologized and explained that she would keep a better eye on him. She walked Ashton into the house and asked him where he was going and why he was by himself. He simply said "I was going to get a soda with dad."
  When Taylor and I got home we defiantly herd about what had happened. My mom was frustrated with us and we got in trouble for not including our little brother.
    Ashton thought it was so cool to ride in a police car he talked about it for days to kids in our neighborhood and to Taylor and I. He didn't even care that we hadn't included him because he got to ride in a police car with a real officer! 

Tumor, Cancer, and Sarcoma (The Beginning)

TUMORS 

"A tumor or tumour is commonly used as a synonym for a neoplasm (a solid or fluid-filled (cystic) lesion that may or may not be be formed by an abnormal growth of neoplastic cells) that appears enlarged in size.^[1] Tumor is not synonymous with cancer. While cancer is by definition malignant, a tumor can be benign, pre-malignant, or malignant, or can represent a lesion with no cancerous potential whatsoever."

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumor

CANCER

"Cancer /ˈkænsər/ ( listen) (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth, invasion that intrudes upon and destroys adjacent tissues, and sometimes metastasis, or spreading to other locations in the body via lymph or blood. These three malignant properties of cancers differentiate them from benign tumors, which do not invade or metastasize."

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cancer

SARCOMA

"A sarcoma (from the Greek sarx meaning "flesh") is a cancer that arises from transformed cells in one of a number of tissues that develop from embryonic mesoderm.^[1] Thus, sarcomas include tumors ofbone, cartilage, fat, muscle, vascular, and hematopoietic tissues. (This is in contrast to carcinomas, which originate from epithelial cells and thus give rise to more common malignancies, such as breast,colon, and lung cancer.)" -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcoma

November 2001

(Ashton was 6 years old.)

With Ashton it began with headaches. His headaches were so bad that he would wake up at night and scream while holding his head. His headaches would come on really strong and he would get sick and throw up and a second later he would be alright. They would happen at random times. I remember my mom and dad were separated at the time but they took him in to the doctors many times to find out what was causing these headaches. They would just say that he's just getting a sinus infection, or he had the flu.

January 2002 

Finally it got so bad that they ordered a CT scan at The Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo Utah, the scan showed that there was a mass, so they did an MRI.  My mom called my dad and he came to the hospital. They waited a while for the results, and finally someone came and told my parents that they needed to meet with the doctor. The doctor said that they found a tumor and to go to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah to discuss surgery options. The headaches he was experiencing were a result of brain swelling.

 I wasn't there when the doctor told my parents, or when my parents told Ashton what was going on. So I'm not sure how he reacted toward it. How scary for a child to not fully understand what's making him sick. He was also in a great amount of pain at this time and things were probably hard to process.

 When they got to Primary Children's The neurosurgeon explained to my parents that surgery at this point was the best option for him. He had to take steroids for a couple of days to reduce his brain swelling so that they could do the surgery. You could read these definitions written above to a 6 year old all you want, but they wouldn't fully understand. I'm sure Ashton never fully understood why he was sick.

Ashton before Surgery.

I wasn't able to see him, but I've seen pictures of him before his surgery and he looked sad, and scared, but mostly in pain. He looked sick.  My mom and dad told my brother "Taylor" and I that there was a chance that he could die during surgery because it was such a dangerous surgery. I don't know if they told Ashton or not, but I'm pretty sure they didn't, because knowing my parents they didn't want to worry him, and he was also in a lot of pain. My mom would call and check in with Taylor and I while we were staying at our grandparent's house. She told me over the phone what was going on. She told me that the part of his brain they're going to operate on controlled his vision.

Ashton with The four wheeler Uncle "Ryan" gave him.

Ashton's surgery lasted for 11 hours and he did well and made it through the operation. He stayed at Primary Children's for a few days after to recover. During that time, they did a biopsy and found that his tumor was malignant, and that he had Sarcoma. He got many visitors after his surgery; one of the visitors was my uncle "Ryan" who gave him a toy four wheeler and to this day it sits in Ryan's living room on a shelf. After he was recovered enough he came home. They were only able to remove part of his tumor because of a blood vessel that the other part of the tumor was on. I remember seeing him when he first got home. I almost didn't recognize him. He looked completely different. He was pale as if he had been locked in a closet with no light for years, he seemed very confused and very tired due to pain killers and other medication.  My mom was guiding him inside because he couldn't see very well. He walked very slowly I'm sure because he was scared he would loose his balance and fall. Taylor and I guided him up the stairs and laid him on his bed. He had a big scar on the back of his head that started about an inch behind his left ear and went up to the top of his head and went back down an inch above his right ear it was kind of in the shape of a lower case "n". They shaved the back of his head and behind his ears for the surgery, but left the hair on the crown of his head. He didn't talk much, and he didn't act like himself. He just laid there and slept as if he hadn't slept in days. 

Not too long after Ashton's surgery my mom finally convinced him to go with her to fix his hair. Ashton wasn't to happy about that, plus he had been cranky and tired since his surgery. The lady that was helping us (bless her heart) was trying so hard not to bump his scar, but Ashton would shout out "ouch" and would start to cry. The lady would look up at my mom as if to apologize.  After a while Ashton complained so much that my mom decided to just forget it. We thanked and paid the lady and went home. A while later when Ashton's scar had healed a little bit more him and Taylor went together to get their head's buzzed. He never said, but I know it made Ashton feel better that he wasn't the only one bald. 

About this blog.

My brothers. Taylor is on the left, and Ashton is on the right.

      I'm writing this blog for my younger brother "Ashton Chad Larkin".  He was unable to tell his story, so  I've taken it upon myself to tell it to the world. I'm not writing this blog for pity for myself or family. I am simply telling the story of all of what my little brother went through during his fight with cancer.  His story has enriched and blessed my life with so much love and knowledge. I wish to tell this story so that many others may be blessed and touched by his story as well. Names in this story may be inaccurate to ensure the privacy of those involved. Many stories included in this blog are stories provided by family members and friends. I'm writing based off of my memories of what happened during that time. There are some things I find hard to remember but I will try at the best of my ability to write accurately. I ensure you that every word of this blog is true, despite the names being inaccurate this is a true story. Ashton deserves to have his story told, and this is it. Thank you for reading. Please comment if you have any questions, and I will answer at the best of my ability.