Memories for Christmas.

Christmas 2002.
Ashton's tumor had metastasized to his back, the Doctors couldn't operate on it because it was to risky. The tumor was pinching nerves in his back, making it painful for him to walk at all. He explained it to me once, he said it was like a lot of needles pricking his feet all at once. He was in a wheel chair, and at times using a walker to get around. My mom had told Taylor and I that he may never be able to walk again. For Christmas my mom had asked for only one thing for Ashton to walk just a few steps, and even though it was physically painful for him he did it for her. My mom took a home video of it. I don't even remember what I got for Christmas that year, it didn't matter it was our last Christmas with Ashton and I'll remember it forever!

Christmas 2003
It was our first Christmas without Ashton. I remember going to temple square in Salt Lake City with Taylor and my mom on Christmas Eve to look at the lights. When we came home we had a snack, sat on the kitchen floor, and shared memories we had of Ashton. My mom started to cry. To make her laugh Taylor got up and started dancing. I leaned my head against my mom's shoulder and said "Isn't this great dinner and a show." she started laughing.
It was hard to learn through the years that even though he isn't here there are still great memories to be had. Christmas day we woke up to open our gifts. There was almost no money for Christmas that year, because of everything that had happened. The LDS church we were going to at the time all pitched in. I remember all I wanted that year was a sewing machine, I got it and more. The church was there for us on more than one occasion while Ashton was sick they would take turns mowing our lawn, they would make sure we always had food. They were just there for us, they did some wonderful things for us and helped us through a rough time. One thing I remember the most about Christmas morning 2003 was, while Taylor and I were opening our gifts my mom was looking out our front room window a little teary eyed, it had started snowing. She looked at Taylor and I, and said "Isn't this just such a wonderful blessing."  She had never noticed the snow before, but she did this year. Maybe it was Ashton letting her know in his own way that he was still there with us.

Every year for Christmas now my dad, and all of my family get together at Ashton's grave, we light candles and sing Christmas Carole's, to wish him a Merry Christmas.

These stories remind me of why I love Christmas so much.
Every year I get gifts, that I am grateful for, but forget about within a year. The gifts I remember, are the ones you cant put in a box, you cant wrap a ribbon around them, and you cant buy them at any store for any amount of money. The gifts that are the most precious to me are the memories that are made with my family. I used to take this for granted, but Ashton has changed everything. These memories are all I have left of Ashton. He may not have left behind much, but he will always be remembered, and loved.


Please this year forget about gifts forget about money, forget about bills, and make some memories with your family, tell them that you love them, because the memories you make with your family are the gifts you all will carry with you forever.



Merry Christmas.